Last week, I put up my maintenance mode here on the blog and posted this:
Sorry for the inconvenience. But I have something to say. Something that I need to get out because I have been sort of embarrassed to say it.
I don’t like my blog design. Or my blog right now in some ways.
Earlier this year, I set out on a personal journey towards simplifying my life. [Still on that journey and loving it…so no complaints there.] I thought this meant that simplifying needed to spill over into every nook and cranny of me…school, kids, marriage, blog, house, Jesus, home, chores…everything. But as I am learning about simplifying, I am realizing that even though I LOVE the journey, this isn’t my voice. You know how they say [who is they by the way?] to find your niche and stick to it? Write to it? Well, I forced my mommy, wife, grad student, Jesus loving self into the “simplify” niche…and its not me. Simplifying my life is a part of my journey right now.
But you know what I really want to write about? Being a mom. Being a student. Loving my husband and little people well. Learning from my hurts. Leaning into Jesus. THAT is my niche.
So if you came looking for “the simple blog,” well, I’m sorry if I disappoint you by saying that “simplifying” won’t be the theme I speak from. It will totally be something I talk about, but it isn’t my voice. I’m so sorry. If you want to listen how I implement simplicity into my life as a mom, wife, student, and more, then I hope you stick around.
Right now, I am redesigning my site back to erin lauray. It will have a new color scheme, will be built on an amazing Lindsey Riel WordPress theme, and will hopefully encompass all that I am as a person.
The reason why this scared me was because I have changed my design a lot. I have new ideas that I get excited about and run with. So my fear is that you will see this as another one of my changes that won’t stick. Honestly, I pray this sticks. But who knows? A year from now, I may be a different person with different dreams who needs a blog that reflects that. When I change my design or whatever, I see it as a representation of how life is. We are constantly changing and learning and growing…and I would hope that when you come back to visit a year from now that I am not the same person. I really would hope that.
So here’s to new beginnings…again…and learning about who I am in the process.
It was a scary but exciting thing for me to do. I felt that I had strayed far away from who I wanted to be here on the interwebs. But I am going to be painfully honest here. At least it feels painful to me to admit this: I didn’t want to be associated with the mommy blogger.
Ugh. That’s so icky. But true. I felt like mom bloggers were a dime a dozen and in my quest to be unique and gain attention [eww…again, so icky], I decided I wasn’t going to drown my blog in diaper reviews and stories of sick nights, and I was going to be different. But you know what? Life isn’t really different. God bless it, I AM a mommy blogger, even if I push against it!
In my attempts to be different, I started trying to focus my blog on something that wasn’t really me. Simple living is surely a part of my life right now and pursuing how to simplify my life is important to me. But in my messy days buried in toys, fights, snack-time, and praying they sleep during nap, I realized that being a mommy blogger was a blessing. First of all, I have endless content. I mean, really. I could write a book on what my kids say…but secondly, I am seeking for uniqueness because I don’t have much of a mommy community right now. I was distancing myself from the mom blogger because it felt too painful for me to see these other moms who had BFFs with kids and live life together. I don’t really have that right now. I have friends who are moms, yeah.
But in being in a weird season where I feel very much alone and not very special, I tried to find my significance in a niche I wasn’t meant to be in. I am traveling down the blessed road of motherhood…and mom to young children at that. And I have a passion for people and for life. So why not create community right here? Right here on this very blog? So here we go. Go tell your mom friends, its gonna get all mommy-cray-cray up in here because I’m going to embrace this thing like its my life. Well, because it is. ♥
xo – E