This week, I had an encounter with content stealing that left me feeling like I wanted to quit the internet. I have dramatic moments like this occasionally, trying to convince myself to just break up with my blog and move on. But every time I feel this way, I just can’t bring myself to actually do it. The community, the connection with other people, it just feels like too much of a loss.
But you can stay on social media like Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook, you might say. Yes, this is true…but when it comes down to it, I just can’t stop writing. I am not an amazing writer, in my own opinion, but something in me needs to have this space to write and send my word out into space. I need to be able to say all the words and all the sentences.
I don’t know what it is about writing. I mean, I don’t even say anything particularly philosophical or moving. I don’t have a book or millions of followers. I could chant, “I WRITE FOR ME!” but that wouldn’t be true either.
What is it about writing? Specifically, what is it about writing publicly? Is it therapeutic? Is it narcissistic? I guess I do have dreams of one day writing books…but is that why I love blogging? Writing?
Sometimes I wonder if maybe writing is like throwing out a little morsel in hopes that someone will comment that they can relate. Or, if I am being truly honest, maybe it is a bit narcissistic in that we are looking for someone to be interested in us. Find value in us. Maybe we are trying, in a vulnerable and real way, to stand up and ask if someone will notice us.
Because if there is one thing I know about our humanity is that we long to be seen. We long for someone to look at us long enough to notice and see what the glancers and busy-bodies don’t see in their rush. Maybe we’re hoping for more than a comment. Maybe we long for a deeper connection that shows us that people find value not only in our writing or the pretty online spaces we create, but in the person who is connected to the fingers typing out the words.
Maybe we’re longing for more than what our culture has to offer. More than skin and big talk and possessions and sex and all the things. More than fizzled connections and empty words and manipulating and the never ending pursuit of the thing that we will be bored with 10 minutes later. Maybe writing and blogging and Instagramming are just small grasps at the desire to connect with the world in a meaningful and refreshing way.