He is crying. Bawling really. When I look at him, he doesn’t look like the type to cry. I guess that makes the experience all the more difficult to witness.
“We CANNOT have this baby! I have never been more unready for something like this! I am SO scared. I have literally never been this scared before.”
Emotions run high. I am pro-life. I will freely admit to that. I support adoption and know of so many families waiting for their babies, their precious children that were grown in another womb, to join them. I am also a Christian. I believe in the God who created those little babies, and His desire to protect their lives.
In the past few years, and especially since having kids, I have felt the pro-choice movement more deeply and have become more profoundly offended by it. I felt justified in my “righteous anger” when confronted with the issue. When confronted with the reality that people that I call friend support this cause that has felt so offensive to me.
Today, when rubber meets the road, and real life faith happens, I struggle. I will still advocate for pro-life. I still believe in the sanctity of life from the moment of conception. But in that moment, eyes filling with tears as I watched this couple fracture and break, I couldn’t help but wonder. I couldn’t help but wrestle with my Lord. It was a moment where my faith felt challenged in a way that called for answers. A moment where my heart cries and the real “why” questions moaned heavenwards. And I sat, still sit, feeling emotional and speechless after hearing this young man, body wracked by sobs, express his deepest fear. His deepest hurt.
Forget his responsibility. Forget the lack of or presence of a condom or birth control. I don’t care. In that moment, for me, my thoughts drifted to the often quoted, “You Christians cry for the life of these children but aren’t responsible for the life of these children.” In other words, I call for this baby to be saved, but what will this baby’s life be like? What will the family look like? What will the forever look like for each person involved?
Its really easy for us to say that people need to live with consequences of their actions. Sure. But I have to challenge that. Perhaps its the articles of child deaths and abuse I’ve read this week, but those parents sitting at Starbucks will live with consequences. Regardless of their choice in the pregnancy – abortion, adoption, raising the child, etc. – they will have emotional and physical consequences. But I further considered what this child’s life would look like. What consequences that the innocent are forced to live with. What are we subjecting children to when we force their parents who may not want them to raise them??
This breaks my heart. Actually, as a mother, this rips me apart. Into a million tiny, tear-soaked pieces. Who will take this baby? And in my heart, I wrestled with our call as Christians to care for the orphans. So, do I go up to that couple and offer to take their baby? Do I adopt as many children as I can in an effort to save them all? To my husband, I confessed that I wanted to help them out of sympathy and fear for the life of the child.
I cannot save them all. I took the steps down from the porch at Starbucks slowly. My backpack felt heavier. My steps felt more difficult. My heart tied by a string to this couple who were now behind me. And I don’t know where to go from here. I will freely admit that real life faith is challenging and doesn’t always have answers.
Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing? -Mark 4:38
Lord, be real. God, be true.