If you’re just now joining in on my #31Days series, you can click here to read all the posts. I suggest reading them in order because they build on one another :) Today is the final day…thank you for being with me over this blessed month.
Often times, we plan out how our future will go. How it should go. But it doesn’t pan out how we plan but how God plans it. And many times, in my case, its last minute. And I can’t believe just how the Lord provides beyond everything we every ask, hope, or imagine. Now, in a place looking back, I see how He has provided and yet still doubt. What will happen next year for school? What if Joseph’s old, high miles truck breaks down? And I still live in fear. Money has always been a struggle for me because at the center of it is what looks like security. If you don’t have much of it, things are difficult. And in my life, in spite of the abundant provision, sometimes I grow weary of always having to wonder, pray, and ask. Sometimes I wish that it could just be easy for a little while. That the Lord would use me to bless others rather than me be the one in need.
And maybe someday it will be that way. But for now, I am at His mercy, always needing. In our society, that’s not a good place to be. Independent! Self-sufficient! …the world screams. And being needy is a weakness. And I guess I just have to admit, I am not sure I like being needy. Does it draw me near to the Lord? Yes. Is that a blessed place to be? Of course. But my struggle lies in the fact that the stress and worry that oftentimes comes with the waiting is where I say enough.
The Lord knows this. He gives me grace. I am SO grateful for His grace. Without it, I would just be a bitter, resentful, and needy person. But by His grace, I am a redeemed, needy person. ;) So please hear me when I am being honest with you…just because I tell you all these stories doesn’t mean Hey! My life is awesome! God provides! Chin up and He will bring you abundance!
I have no cliché statements for you. I just want you to know it is hard. But God is faithful. He is worthy of all the glory of these stories. And somehow in the end, it works out. He comes through. And worry as I may, get angry as I might, He still is there. He provides. And I may not believe it sometimes, but one day that truth will finally begin to bloom into belief in my heart. For now, it is just a bud, the leaves slowly popping away to reveal the blossom. xo