Man, where do I begin? As you’re reading this, I am traveling across the country to attend The Influence Conference, something I have prayed and prayed for. An answer to my plea to the Lord for refreshment in my life. So its happening. And I am overjoyed and excited. I will be here until Sunday night.
Then, I fly home to hit the ground running, really…because on Wednesday after I get back (a week from today), I start a masters program in Marital and Family studies at a seminary in Phoenix. This was also a major answer to prayer. I have been praying for finances to attend since I was accepted into the program back in March. And at the eleventh hour [one day shy of two weeks before classes begin], I got an email that I had received a scholarship. BOOM. Now I am going. [Makes my heart race.]
But before I begin classes, I have $325 worth of books to buy [and that is the total in used books…I didn’t even calculate the full retail price out of fear that I would throw up] and get to my house in time. And I am also in the middle of a design collaboration with a really awesome company, working on opening Happy Paper Company [which I have seriously been praying about lately…where will it fit??], continuing to blog, and balance my life, running an intensive discipleship group weekly in my home, raising my children, and loving my husband…its too much for me to think about.
I am passionate about each of those things. But the level of passion for each varies. And I am praying about what should stay and what should go. The Lord has really opened my eyes and grown me in ways I didn’t know I needed to grow in this past six months. And I am certain that if He wills it, He provides for it. So I am in a place of constant prayer for provision. It seems every which way I turn, we are in need of more. Not in the sense of not being satisfied of what we have, but in the sense that the Lord provides and stretches and provides and stretches…He is showing me a need I can’t provide for and then filling it. And repeating that lesson over and over.
Its uncomfortable and embarrassing [Embarrassing saying, “Its not in the budget for us to go out tonight,” for the hundredth time to friends and family], but I don’t know any different. It doesn’t seem to me that the Lord is calling for anything different. Which is not fun either! I am basically just sitting in this area of stretching and provision.
Jael is in a place right now where she is also stretching me. She is extremely smart and talkative. She stretches my patience and parenting to the max. While she is the most loving and sweet child, she is also the most challenging and stubborn. Elijah is becoming more boy to the tune of many bumps, bruises, and falls. He is discovering climbing and running. But he is also the snuggliest child in the world.
My husband works 50-60 hours a week including an hour commute each way. Our time together is often folding laundry, cleaning, or some other multi-tasked household need.
Our lives are full. Our lives are busy. And I am in a season of crazy. And while I hate it, I also love it. I do wish that I had a little bit more breathe room. I wish that I didn’t always have a to-do list. But in this season, I just continue to repeat Psalm 61:2 to myself:
From the end of the earth I will cry to you. When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the Rock that is higher than I.