I had a bad attitude. I was irritable. Cranky. Frustrated. Hubby had been working for many days straight, and I was feeling alone. We were out of coffee. I mean, come on.
I decided to toss the kids in the car and drive to Starbucks to get myself a MUCH needed latte. My daughter would not stop chattering on and on and asking TONS of questions. My son was in a cranky mood too and would whine and cry every so often. I was ready to burst.
I ordered my latte, which ended up taking forever to make, adding to my frustration. And I chose to sit in it. The radio was playing and some familiar Christian songs were softly playing into the [momentarily] quiet car. We were sipping our drinks when over the radio came a commercial ad for an upcoming concert series. A sound byte of my daughter’s favorite worship song played for a few seconds before moving on to another song.
She gasped. “MOM! That was Bless the Lord!!!! Can you play the song, please? Can you put on Bless the Lord?!?!” Instead of being joyed by her enthusiasm and love for worship music, I became peeved.
“I cannot choose what songs come on the radio, Jael! We’ve talked about this! I can’t control what comes on the radio.” I instantly felt badly and apologized, but still felt like I was finished. A sliver of a prayer began in my heart, but before I could even pray anything, my prayer was answered.
I began to pray that the Lord would cause Bless the Lord to come on the radio. But in the matter of maybe ONE second, doubt, anger, and the fact that I felt it was a stupid thing to pray for all flooded my heart, all while I silently began to pray that the song would play. I’m telling you, friends, I didn’t even think more than ,”Lord…” before the song began to float over the air to my grateful daughter’s ears.
In that moment, awe struck me and the tears began flowing down my face. My daughter’s favorite song was playing over the radio!
I cannot tell you that the frustration and irritable attitude melted away. But I did feel an intensely overwhelming knowledge of His presence. It was like He was RIGHT THERE. And in that moment, I was reminded of two things.
1. That the Lord chooses to bless us regardless of us. So many times, I struggle with the notion that if I could only do better, He would be pleased and bless me in turn. That if I have a bad day, it is the direct result of something I did wrong. Bad things happen = I did something to deserve it. Good things happen = I managed to please God somehow and the blessing is my reward. Its hard to admit that, but it is a constant struggle for me. Like, I know I struggle with it, and I still struggle daily with it. And my heart still partially believes it. So in this moment, it was a reminder that even though I had a bad attitude, He was already answering my prayer before I asked it. And was blessing my daughter [and me] regardless of our attitudes.
2. That my attitude is my choice. Even though I was overwhelmed with joy in that moment, my sinful attitude was still trying to steal it away. And God was going to let me choose whether or not I was going to have a better attitude. And you know what? I still felt in a funk. I still had a poor attitude that day. Even though I had a cool “God story,” I still had to choose how I would live that day. And I chose wrongly.
Lately the days have been rough. My husband is working a lot, my kids are acting insane, and I am wallowing. BUT, this was a reminder to me to stop often to look around me for inspiration for joy. If we pray for God’s presence or for His help, He is surely there. And that even on our roughest days, He is at the ready to give us a hug, even before we ask for it.