Mommy Diary Monday – Clarity

Life is tricky. You have passions. A family. Relationships. Responsibilities. And none of those things are wrong, but yet you can’t do them all well every single moment. And it makes us feel guilty. Yes?

You have hobbies and passions you want to pursue. For me, its design and blogging. I love it. But being present to my kids during the day is important to me. And while I am far from perfect in this area, when I am off my phone, laptop, iPad, etc. and on the floor with my munchkins, the day seems to go better. When I am more intentional about my time and speech to my kids, their attitudes are better. Happier. Less fussy.

And when I feel like my passions and business life are being threatened, I tend to get frustrated, irritable, and short. My kids feel it. My husband feels it.

So how do you balance this? How do I be the best mommy, wife, and business owner I can be? Is it wrong to want to be something outside of being a wife and mother? Something that I personally enjoy all my own?

I don’t believe so. I believe we are created to be creators. I mean, hello! I had kids! My body is naturally creative ;) But I believe that each of us has to pray and decide for ourselves what path the Lord has us on. Maybe for some, its working without kids. Maybe for others its being 100% mom and using all their passion and focus for that. Maybe for others [like me], its being mom and business owner. Wife and entrepreneur.

I have to admit, I am a little scared. I am starting to get the hang of my life right now, where I am at, where I have clients, partnerships, and business responsibilities in addition to my role as mother, wife, and house-runner. And come this fall, I am going to throw “seminary student” into the mix. I don’t know how I will fare. How each plate I am balancing will turn out.

When I pray, I don’t necessarily feel yet that God is calling me out of any of those roles [and never out of motherhood and wife-dom]. I had a friend the other night ask me, “How do you do it all?” I’ve never had anyone ask me that. I don’t feel like I do a lot. I definitely don’t feel like I look like I have it all together. But when she asked me that, it made me think. How do I do it all?

When I sit down and list off in my head all the things I do, that my kids will be doing soon, my husband’s schedule, I am astonished we even have the energy to function daily! But for the grace of God, go I.

I don’t know how it gets done. But it does. I don’t know how I have gotten up voluntarily before 7:00 am every day for the past week and a half in order to get work done before the kids are up. I don’t know how I have added to my life in many ways within the past two weeks. But I have, I have, I have.

And its good. I love all of it. I am excited for each opportunity. [I am working in design & development with a web and boutique designer. I will be working as a marketing and ad manager for an online accessory store. I run my own custom design business that is almost booked through mid-June!] I thank God for all my blessings.

I just sometimes have to take a step back and think. Evaluate my schedule and pray that God continues to give me strength to keep going. Its hard work. And many days, I wonder what the heck I am doing. Wonder if I am giving enough attention to the more important things in life. And I feel like I am. But sometimes, I just feel like I need to talk it out. Say it out loud. Sometimes, when I get it from my head onto paper, screen, or said out loud, I hear myself. I see in a different light what I have been saying.

Sometimes it brings clarity. Sometimes it reveals false thinking. Sometimes it rebukes my stubborn heart. But as I grow, I am convinced that each role that God has me in right now is for a purpose. To teach me different skills, build different relationships, and grow in ways I couldn’t by being in just one of those roles alone.

Thank you for reading. Thank you for continuing to read. I love sharing life with readers and would love to hear back from you. Do you ever have to just stop for a second and take a breath while you survey your life inventory? Maybe you don’t get rid of or change anything, but just take a moment to breathe. Do you do this? Or is it just me?