Money, its a drag…

I hate money. Well, that’s not true. I like money, but when circumstances take it all, or I make dumb decisions, or I just plain don’t have any…that’s when I hate money. And right now, I hate money. And its for all three of those reasons. Its not like I have mounds of it, and I just keep spending it away…its just that we make a plan and then different circumstances change said plan and it all falls apart and our bank account dips and I freak out.

Like right now, hubby just texted me the total for a service his truck needs. Ouch. I look at bank account. Ouch. Because the kiddos have been sick almost continually for three straight months [we’re finally starting to get healthy again], we spent more than usual this last month on medicine, vitamins, remedies, and stuff to help them get better. We ended up using money from savings [which was already low] and so now, when we need to spend this mula on hubby’s truck, we don’t have the savings to back it up. And then because I am in a stressful situation, my mind starts to wander and remembers our credit card balance too. Ugh.

And I fall into this spiral of worry and fear and wondering how can we get out of this hole and start to move forward?? It feels like a tug of war with money since forever. And I’m.Just.Done.

And I am driving in the car without the kiddos last night after grocery shopping [before the smack down of the truck’s needs] and I’m crying out to God. I can’t keep asking you for help!! How can I ask you for help in paying off our debts when you’ve rescued us financially before?? I hate this so much and I need your help but am ashamed to ask…we need your help but I hate to ask again. Because I feel like you’ll say, “Nope, I already tried helping.”

Gosh I hate that about myself. I hate that I think that about God. It sucks. But in that moment, God whispered to my soul: Jesus paid it all. Why should this debt feel overwhelming when you know that I paid the most overwhelming debt you could ever have gotten yourself into?

And my heart is filled with peace. Friends, I still don’t have an answer to our current plight. I don’t know what we will do. Its a desire of my husband and I for me to continue to stay home. So I continue to search for different opportunities and dream up solutions. But its a comfort to know that even though I still need to pay off a debt here on earth, my Savior paid the ultimate debt for me. And in that, I can trust in Him to provide for the little ones that pale in comparison.


  1. says

    i got have written this post, word for word. especially the part about dreaming up ways to stay at home and make money. especially doing something creative and ministering to others. praying for you, friend.

    • Erin Lauray says

      Brittany – I wish we lived closer to one another again!! I think we are a lot alike ;) I’m praying for you too!

  2. Tory says

    I completely understand what you’re going through and I will pray for you! Dave Ramsey saved us from overwhelming money issues (I think I told you about that at the retreat). Let me know if you ever want to have dinner with me and Josh. We’d be happy to share the few tricks we’ve found to make budgeting and sticking to it work. I know how much finances can weigh our hearts as women. We love to feel secure! Seriously – we are happy to help (and just hang out with you two – it’d be fun to get to know you better).

  3. says

    I can definitely relate to this. We are also a one income family and it seems like whenever we might have just a little bit of extra money, something always happens and it’s gone. I stay frustrated but, yet… there is peace. God has always provided.

    I have also been brainstorming non-stop for almost three years now {since I became a SAHM} about ways to earn an income from home and help lighten the financial load for my hubby… But I got nothing! Maybe we could bounce around some ideas…

    • Erin Lauray says

      Alana, I know EXACTLY what you’re talking about! Something I have learned is that if we didn’t have that extra and something happened, we’d be in a world of hurt!! So even though it stinks to have to spend what we thought would be extra, we realized it was God providing ahead of time so we’d be taken care of. Doesn’t hurt any less though!!! ;)

      As for money making ideas, I have tried a bunch of things, but having my own blog and web design business has worked for me. I’ll be writing a post or two on this soon, so keep a eye out! :)