“I will carry and will save”

Yesterday, like many Influence Network members, I read an email about the Mocha Club. Inspired to read on, I dug into the websites, the blogs, and the people involved with this life giving ministry. Watch this video…but be prepared. It was hard for me to keep the tears in.

When I started reading Blair’s Pixie Project blog posts, I was brought to tears. Deeply moved, my heart cried out to the Lord on behalf of these poor, precious women who are subjected to sex slavery. Some brought to prostitution for financial need, some dragged into the sex industry unwillingly. Blair’s story of how she helped raise money for SIX WOMEN to be rehabilitated and rescued from this life reached in and squeezed my heart tight. And when I saw the tears in Blair’s eyes as she reached her goal, it sent the drops spilling down my cheeks and my heart aching to help.

Then, on Twitter I read an article about an American college student rescued from sex trafficking [you know it’s present in our country too, don’t you, friend??], and I felt a weight settle on my heart. I still feel it. The I-want-to-scream-and-cry-and-beat-those-vile-tourturers-and-bawl-my-eyes-out feeling still lingers.

And my sensitive heart starts aching for the families without their babies and the mommas wanting to fight cancer for their kids but can’t and the women hurting and needing encouragement and the marriages falling apart and the mommies who feel like they can’t go on and the…..

I am a mind wanderer. I think it is a precious gift from my Father that I am able to dream up other worlds and mix reality with imagination…but here is where the struggle begins. When I start to think about something I’ve seen or heard, my mind automatically starts to run with it. It so stubbornly completes the image that I don’t want it to complete and often times I find myself in a fear hell hole and can’t figure out how I got there. And my thoughts have become a way to torture my sensitive heart…the images are burned forever into my mind.

I can’t help but begin to fall down that fear spiral when I think about these precious souls trapped in sex slavery. The woman naked on the floor, shaking from her latest encounter, feeling the devil himself pressing evil into her every pore…no escape. No rescuer. Who will find me here?

The mother who finds her not-yet 3 year old daughter trapped under a fallen swing-set on Christmas Eve and loses her. My mind completes the horror and my heart lives that mother’s pain.

The family that spends day after day in a treatment room, watching as the poison drips into the veins of their child only in attempt to fight a different poison wrecking and destroying her body. Nothing a parent can do but sit and watch.

The wife whose husband tells her that he has betrayed their marriage bed and breaks a bond that God once brought together.

And I look at the Lord and hold up my hands that are filled with the broken pieces of people I so long to fix and mend, and sob, “What can I do??” And I feel helpless under the weight of the broken world. Its overwhelming, isn’t it? When I look at my prayer list of needs both personal and far off, I feel as though an avalanche is gaining on me and I have no where to run. And the tears spill and my breath catches in my chest and I long for the day that God redeems this world.

And the Lord reaches his divine hand down and grabs my face and says, “Shalom, dear one. I have overcome.”

Listen to me, O house of Jacob,
all the remnant of the house of Israel,
who have been borne by me from before your birth,
carried from the womb;
even to your old age I am he,
and to gray hairs I will carry you.
I have made, and I will bear;
I will carry and will save.

Remember this and stand firm,
recall it to mind, you transgressors,
remember the former things of old;
for I am God, and there is no other;
I am God, and there is none like me,
declaring the end from the beginning
and from ancient times things not yet done,
saying, ‘My counsel shall stand,
and I will accomplish all my purpose,’
calling a bird of prey from the east,
the man of my counsel from a far country.
I have spoken, and I will bring it to pass;
I have purposed, and I will do it.

-Isa. 46:3-4, 8-11