I was just chatting with someone last night that I really admire..Aedriel is an amazing woman and someone I really love “Insta-Stalking” ;) [Is it weird to say that? heehee] Anyway, she inspires me with her product, her work, her attitude, and her love for the Lord. Last night we got into a conversation where we were chatting about how we feel the Lord has blessed us and gifted us with talents and passions…but that we aren’t sure where to go from there.
A lot of the time I feel like there are so many things I think the Lord wants me to do [some now, some eventual], so many dreams I have … some that have been bouncing around in this head of mine for years. My husband and I have had nights where we lie in bed for hours talking about the dreams we have, many of them overlapping one another. [Love how the Lord does that ;)]
So Aedriel offered to pray for me…to pray for guidance and focus. And as I sat thinking, reflecting on our conversation, I was thinking that what we need sometimes is peace instead of clarity – because sometimes the Lord’s timing isn’t yet for Him to reveal things to us. So instead of clarity, He gives us peace to wait. But then there are times where I believe the Lord wants us to pursue the answer, ask and beg Him for His divine plan to come. So I welcome the prayers … she was such a sweetheart to offer. [Love having sisters in the Lord!]
Something Aedriel said, “I feel like I want so much more. I just don’t know where to start,” really resonated with me. I feel the exact same way. I feel like I could sit down and write a mile long list of the things I love and want to do with my life – and yet none have a plan of action. Kind of like if you are craving cheesecake and yet have no idea how to make it. The longing is there, you may even be able to visualize what it would look like to have/do what your heart desires, and yet the path from point A to point B is blurry and dark. Sometimes we may know some of the steps, but its like doing a connect the dots and only knowing where a few of the dots are. It simply doesn’t work.
Do any of you know what I am talking about? Do you feel the same way?
I know a few of these desires are part of a kingdom plan…but yet I also feel deep down, under all those passions and interests a desire, a desire for how it was supposed to be. A desire for Good. A desire for Wholeness. An insatiable desire for something that I simply cannot explain, let alone type.
“If I find in myself desires which nothing in this world can satisfy, the only logical explanation is that I was made for another world.” – C.S. Lewis
Do you know the feeling? Do you feel that exciting stirring deep down in your spirit that tells you that there is more? That you were made for something far greater than you ever imagined?
That makes me feel like I just drank 15 cups of coffee! ;) It excites me to think of the Lord’s purpose for my life, but it is also SO exciting to think about what it will be like to be with Him for eternity. To be able to freely speak with Him and hear His voice. To be able to not just figuratively feel His embrace, but to give Him a bear hug and breathe His scent in deep.
So many times I mourn over the present – the way things are – kids are unruly, haven’t taken a shower in three days, still wearing pjs at two in the afternoon, haven’t looked in a mirror until after hubby gets home and realize that the little sleep I managed to get the night before has rubbed the makeup off of only one eye, the utter chaos that my days have become … sometimes my spirit cries, “OH COME, LORD JESUS!”
And God ever so gently reminds me that He will rescue, He is the Redeemer, the Beginning and the End who has created the heavens and yet still loves this sinful lump of flesh.
“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” -2 Corinthians 4:16-18