so today is the first day of my web design classes! it begins tonight – in just like 12 hours or so…lol..i am so beyond excited to start these!! its like a dream realized. also, a few other things are in the works…the Lord sure knows how to confirm to us that we are on the right path! im pretty excited…and this post is a long one because of that (don’t say i didn’t warn you – lol!).
its amazing the thrill and joy that bubbles up when i am doing what i love. before, when i would state, “I’M IN LOVE WITH SEWING!”…i was only telling half the truth. you see, i was searching for something to love. a hobby that i enjoyed as much as some of the bloggers out there that i admire. i felt like when i said that i was over-the-moon for sewing, i wasn’t really being truthful. don’t get me wrong, i do love sewing! it truly is a fun craft!
but i also love crocheting. i love organizing. i love home decor. and when i don’t ruin what i’m attempting, i also love crafting (in some ways). i love coffee. i love clothes. i could go on! but does this mean that each of the things i love should be my “job”? that i should pursue an entrepreneurial endeavor in each of these things? (p.s. i spelled “entrepreneurial” right on the first try ;) – whoop whoop!)
no it doesn’t! just because we like something, doesn’t mean that we should jump on the “online store” bandwagon and just run with it! from experience, i can say that this doesn’t always yield the results you are looking for. and if you don’t truly love your craft and feel called to do it as a business, you’re going to get burnt out and tired. that is what happened to me. i grew tired of promoting, of bugging my friends on facebook, of tweeting sales and coupon codes…when i saw no results. when i didn’t really believe in what i was doing anyway.
when its something you like and not something you feel truly called to, it can be a painful experience.
like i said, i love creating. i love making something beautiful with my hands. but what is it that i could do for literally hours upon end without realizing how much time has passes? what makes my little creative heart flutter? when i think about what i love doing and set aside financial obstacles, doubts, etc. and really think about it….if i could do ANYTHING, what would it be?
once i thought about this, prayed about it (literally for over a year), i realized what it was. for me it was web design. for you it could be sewing. or jewelry making. or weaving baskets out of vines grown in your backyard. who knows? over the past year, i have changed my blog design like a jillion times. and every time i did it, i was so excited! i LOVED it! and when i thought about taking it a step further into web design, all that held me back was doubt.
“oh i couldn’t do that. it could just be another flop because no one will like it.”
“my husband would kill me if i told him i wanted to go to school for something else.”
“people would think it was just another one of my ‘schemes.’“
but each of these things depends on the thoughts and cares of others. and frankly, who cares? sure, there will be people that pass me up as a designer because they see something else they like. thats fine! sure my husband may have chuckled a little when i told him of my idea and taking classes for it. but he loves me and supports me regardless! and who cares if someone thinks it is a “scheme” of mine – just like sewing – to do something from home?? i DO want to do something from home! and i’ll just prove them wrong and be successful! ;)
one thing i have always told my sister is this: do you ever have something you think you want SOOOO badly and are praying about it or thinking about it a lot and really hoping and wishing that it will happen? and there is this little nugget in the back of your mind saying, “it ain’t gonna happen.” do you ever have that feeling? do you ever want something so badly but know in the depths of your heart that this just isn’t “it”? sometimes i feel like that is the Lord gently revealing to us that our plans are sometimes not His plan. (okay…most of the time.) of course, this is different than fear of doing something and feeling like you should do it. i just know that for me, there have been several things that i have pursued in my family, job, etc. that just hasn’t worked out…things that i pushed for and tried to make happen… and when it didn’t work, i kinda felt like i knew it.
i guess all this
rambling talk is just to say that i feel like i have found it. i’ve finally let all the insecurity fall away and realized deep inside that this is what i want to do. i’ve just been too scared and doubtful of myself to admit it. i know you may be thinking, “right…you felt that way with sewing, didn’t you?” but like i said before, i knew deep within me that those things i was pursuing were just ways to discover a hobby. ways to discover some way to matter in this big blog ocean. a way to contribute to my family.
but when i realized i matter to God and that He will provide regardless of what i do, it took the pressure off. it allowed me to just rest in Him and let Him guide and direct where He wanted me to go. i prayed for financial help to take classes – and it came. i prayed for opportunity – and it came. i prayed for blessing – and it has arrived. the joy and excitement i feel when i think about this is literally overwhelming. and i am so very thankful to the One to has chosen to bless me with it.
i know this was long, but i really am so very excited for everything. i don’t yet know still how it will all work out. i mean, im going to have another child in a matter of months, so i don’t know how i will handle it all, but the Lord knows! im just taking the steps as He opens the doors. :)
praying you have a wonderful day today and that you remember to thank God for everything He’s blessed you with. :)