The Mommy Diary

Happy Monday! I hope your weekend was wonderful and filled with relaxation!
Oh, and is anyone else freaking out that July is pretty much almost over already??? :D
** Disclaimer — you are about to hear a lot of confessions. Proceed at your own risk. ;) **
I have to be honest, I had a lot of “mommy-is-about-to-go-crazy” moments this weekend. My darling girl has been teething…you know, it seems like once babies hit 3 or 4 months, they continuously teethe until every. single. tooth. is in ;) needless to say, I feel like she’s been teething for a year and a half…anyway, she gets pretty bad fevers when her teeth are really pushing in hard. She hit almost 102° on Friday!
We had gone to a BBQ on Friday night and on the way there, she starts getting whiny and lethargic. I’m thinking its just her way of saying she doesn’t want to be in her car seat anymore {she does that ;)}, but when we get there, she is burning hot. {sigh} So we give her ice water and unfortunately, I hadn’t brought the Tylenol with me. So we kind of wait a little bit {maybe 30 mins?} and her fever goes down and she’s running around, playing, talking, and being good ol’ Jael. ;) For the rest of the night, she cycles back and forth: feeling great, not feeling too great, feeling great, not feeling too great…
So here comes a mommy-puts-too-much-on-herself moment.
I felt SO guilty.
I don’t have many friends, and the friends that I do have are amazing. So when I get the chance to have some adult interaction, conversation, and the opportunity to feel normal, I cling to it like a two year old with a candy bar. I felt guilty because I kept thinking, “We should just go home.” And yet, I was having such a good time, and Jael was having moments of doing so well, that I didn’t want to go!
And there was this big conflict in me making me feel like the worst mother ever because I was letting my daughter suffer because I wanted to chat with some friends.
I don’t know if you also feel like I made a bad decision, but anyway…
I feel like I am understanding SO much the importance of friends and socializing in a young mom’s life. {I wrote a guest blog post about it here.} If you don’t know, my little family and I have lived in a new city and state for about 9 months now. {You can read the wonderful story here.} I feel like when I meet a new person who is friend potential, I get SO excited and try to contain my enthusiasm so that I don’t scare them. ;)
I get so excited for new people, new friends, new relationships, and yet I feel like it is my job to put everyone else first {I think every mom experiences this at least once}. And that means giving up my social time, my friends, my life…and if I am not willing to do that, well, that makes me a horrible mom. Now please don’t think that I’m not understanding what the role of a mom is and think, “Well, if you wanted a social life, you probably shouldn’t have become a mom.” I have gladly given up so much to be the best mother to my daughter that I can be. And I know that I will continue to sacrifice, and I will do it all with a smile. :) Because I know that investing my time, efforts, sanity, and my very last ounce of energy each evening into my child(ren) is completely worth it.
BUT, I do believe that a healthy woman {be it socially, physically, emotionally, relationally, etc.} makes for a healthy mommy. And if I don’t have enough energy to invest a little into myself, I won’t be the best me to give to her and any other children I may have. Really, I won’t be the best me to give to anyone! And when you’re sitting in a small apartment {basically in the same room} every day because it is too hot to leave {dang Texas heat ;)}, it doesn’t give opportunity for the best “me.”
So…where to go from here? I think it just takes me balancing my mommy-time with my me-time better. Life is going to have unique challenges in different seasons. It just takes a little reevaluation every so often to keep on top of things. For now, Jael takes naps every day for at least two hours…and if I am lucky, sometimes four! So blogging and shop tasks can be done then. I’ll start getting up an hour before Jael does again {I used to do this} so that I can have some quiet time with my Bible and coffee {both are things I need to survive the day!}. And I will be more intentional with my time with my daughter. And one of the most important things I need to start doing??
I need to cut myself a little slack.
Life is hard. Parenting is hard.
But if I let it steal my joy, I can’t teach my daughter to be the best her she can be.