The Mommy Diary

So, life got crazy this past week. Work was heinous for the hubbs, parenting was draining every ounce it could out of me, and the inspiration for my “shop” and items in it was on overload {which is a positive thing, but when you are trying to jot down an inspiration and your toddler is screaming at you, its crazy}.
**The positives**
*I had a lot of creative inspiration last week and went on a craft-spree.*
*Found my “signature” and am really excited to open shop eventually.*
*I fit into my “when pigs fly” jeans that I bought simply because they were cute and on sale for $8.
At the time, they were 3 sizes too small for me and yet not unhealth-ily {word?} too small. Realistic, I promise ;)
*I cleaned and organized the kitchen since out family is coming in about a week and a half now!*
However, as most parents know, sometimes it feels like the good is only there to recharge and fuel us up for the hard days {that seem to out-number the good sometimes}.
One thing that has been causing tension in the house is teething. My daughter lagged behind as an infant in the teething department. She only had her two bottom teeth at 13 months. Two small little teeth. However, we tried a natural supplement that is supposed to help late teeth to emerge while simultaneously easing irritability and discomfort {magic??}. The supplement worked because its three short months later now and she has 11 teeth.
Yes, you read right, ELEVEN.
And they are threatening to throw this mommy into the pits of insanity. My girl had her four top teeth, three bottom with a fourth cutting currently, and three molars all cutting right now as well. She is testing limits, pushing boundaries, expressing emotion, throwing fits, and hitting {sort-of}. I have given myself a small pat on the back because I have managed to keep my cool {I have not managed, rather God gave me strength!} and have not yelled or over-punished. That has been draining. Patience is draining!
I lost my bubbly-ness and was simply in survival mode. On Friday, Jael somehow managed to slam her little chin into the crib railing and cut her gums on her own teeth, resulting in a cranky and sore baby for the rest of the day.
But Saturday was a day for the books.
My hubby has weekends off and that morning we decided to run some errands {I needed fabric!!}. We ended up getting home 30 minutes after naptime was supposed to start, but my daughter does really well with naps and usually has no problem.
We put her down, she fell asleep in a few minutes, and all was well. Except one thing. The monitor was crackling like MAD and driving me nuts. So I decided I would sneak into Jael’s room and change the channel on the monitor. I was thinking the interference would go away if it was on a different channel.
When I opened Jael’s door, it made a loud crack noise, scared her, and woke her up. She started crying and it all went downhill from there. I comforted her, sang her a song, and left the room. She usually quiets down in minutes. Well, a few minutes later, we hear a loud boom noise and I run {heart pounding} into her room to find her on the floor.
I think my heart might have stopped at that moment.

It was the first time Jael had climbed out of the crib. We checked for broken bones, all was well, except now Jael was terrified to go back in her crib. She screams, cries, panic-cries, and resists her nap like the plague. After a LONG time {about two hours after when naptime was supposed to start}, my husband finally gets her to sleep. As most parents can understand, my mommy heart is broken that day.
As overdramatic as it may sound, I realized that she is growing up. That she will do things that might hurt her. And that sometimes, if I can’t help it, I won’t be there to catch it and protect her. Climbing out of the crib is something I have been terrified of. I have lowered the crib mattress probably before I even needed to because I was afraid she would get out. At this point, the mattress was almost to toddler bed height. I lowered it again, and now she is asleep. And I want to go in there, curl up in her crib with her, and never let go.
I’m scared she will do it again and hurt herself. I am scared that somehow she’ll get out, we won’t hear it, and she will somehow magically open the door and get into the bathroom and drown in the toilet.
Unrealistic? Probably, but I’m just feeling traumatized!!
I have calmed down. I have crafted to ease my mind. But I am just too aware today that my baby girl will not always be a baby. Ouch.

Comments

  1. says

    I totally understand what you are going through! I have to add that I am so inspired by you because before you go on to explain the craziness of your week, you list your positives. As long as you can focus on the positives, however big or small they may be, they are still positives.
    Wishing you a better week :)