I haven’t written about this yet because…well to be honest, I haven’t been doing a great job at it 20 days into the year, so I felt hypocritical to share. I know its dumb…we’re all hypocrites at some points… It isn’t easy admitting shortcomings, but hey…vulnerability is valuable.
I don’t delight. Really in very much. I’ve struggled with negativity a lot since becoming a mother about five years ago. With my daughter, I had lots of times where I didn’t know how to manage my own emotions. I felt frustrated that I wasn’t getting sleep. I felt very angry when she would cry all night. I would get impatient when she wouldn’t fall asleep for naps or eat the food I gave her. But she was a happy baby (and is a joyful and cheerful little girl!) and I only struggled in the moments that I didn’t know how to manage how I was feeling.
Fast forward two years, and my son is born. If I thought Jael was hard (which she wasn’t, she was normal), Elijah called my bet, raised me constant spitting up, tummy troubles, and a hundred times more crying. He gave me a run for my money. At night, I found myself sitting on a bouncy ball, sweating profusely, “shh-shh-ing” as loud as I could, praying to the heavens that he would fall asleep without upchucking his entire night bottle all over me and the already crusted carpet. He required much more food and feedings than Jael, wanted me to hold him more, and overall was much harder. Especially with a two year old who decided she didn’t want to nap anymore and adjusted to a new baby, well, like a two year old.
In processing life with two kids, I can honestly say that we’ve been in a crazy, tough, hard season since Elijah was born. But it has also been wonderful, fun, full of laughter and giggles, inspiring, and fulfilling season as well. But its been hard for me to see it. Call it pessimistic. Call it lazy. I may be letting myself get overwhelmed with emotions. Whatever it is…I’m hoping to make a stop to it this year.For 2014, I chose “simplify” as my word for the year. And boy did that happen! I made a decision to close my design business, moved into a simpler home, and changed my blog direction, among other things. I also chose to do a “30 before 30” list to bring more fun into my life and do things that I really always wanted to do.
For 2015, I have chosen the word: DELIGHT. I want to be intentional about choosing joy this year and delighting in my life. Just the past couple of days, I have gone outside every day with the kids and let them loose to play. How crazy am I that I didn’t do that much before?? I’ve been trying to be more attentive. Trying to laugh and smile more. My mom used to tell me, “Smile and the feelings will follow.” And y’all, its true.
And while life is still super crazy busy right now, I am learning that even when life is busy, the moments can be slowed down.
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So I have a mega long to-do list…I’m sitting outside in the sunshine reading for school (to-do) and watching my kids play and run around giggling. The moment is slow and yet I’m able to still do what I need to do. You see? Things like this have been helping me to really see the DELIGHT in my every day. I pray that this year’s word of the year is as successful as last year was. I pray the Lord invades my heart and permeates it with JOY. Won’t you join me? Let’s learn to love and delight in life like never before. It may change everything. xo