So, after my blog post announcing my end to web design, I have felt this insane relief. Not at first though. Web design wasn’t a super burden, but I felt like it was a weight on my shoulders because I knew the Lord was asking me to lay it down, and I was afraid to. But then I did it. And woah. I felt slammed with the strongest feeling of insignificance ever. It weighed my spirit down like none other. And I sat feeling rejected, defeated, and a nobody. I uttered a shaky, teary eyed prayer to the Lord. Father, I feel so small, worthless, and insignificant right now. Please show me how I matter to YOU.
I went on to try and find Bible verses to lift my heart up, but eventually just went on with my day. The feeling of not mattering to anyone hung over my head like a angry black cloud.
And then my phone bleeped. And vibrated. And for the next few hours, I got notifications for my blog and Instagram from people that I SUPER admire and respect [and okay maybe some blog fan girl moments over some people] encouraging and loving on me for the decision I made. I mean, really.
God, did you just answer my prayer by comments on my blog and Instagram?? Uh, yeah, I think I did.
After that happened, my hubby got home, the kids got in the bath, and I escaped the crazy to go pick up some Vietnamese food for my husband and I. And while I was sitting in the parking lot, with my Styrofoam containers full of spring rolls vermicelli, it hit me.
#Simplify. That is what I am longing for but didn’t realize it. While I loved web design, I hated that I had a million domains and all these ideas that, when they just sat there, left me feeling unaccomplished, fickle, and lacking follow-through. And when that hangs there every day, you start to believe that about yourself. What good am I going to do in this world? How do I matter when plenty of other people are doing all the fabulous wonderful things?
But when you streamline, clean out, and tidy up, you’re left with the couple things you LOVE that you can do WELL. And all the rest is gone. And when I started looking at the rest of my life, I realized I longed to simplify in ALL areas.
I want to simplify eating: fresh, clean, organic, local ingredients.
I want to simplify school: get up early and invest in my learning…and with all the ideas no longer hanging over my head, I am not tempted to use my early morning school time as blog time or idea creation time.
I want to simplify my parenting. Say yes. Always. Until I must say no for a very good reason. Go to the park. Play drive-in movie theater with popcorn and m&ms. Let them stay up occasionally to watch a movie with dad.
I want to simplify my house: NO MORE CABLE. Cheaper internet. No more buying the dollar spot toys that we don’t need or the Target notebooks I don’t need. [ouch.] If I fill a notebook, it is my reward to get a new one. I want to use my dryer less and line dry my clothes in the sunshine. I want to have candles and flowers and open windows [unless its July].
I want to simplify how I do life. With less on my mind biz-wise, I am free to use my evenings to spend with my family and husband. Gasp! I want to have a television show we watch together that we just can’t miss. [It used to be Parenthood, so that will make a comeback.] I want to garden. Grow veggies with patience. Invest time in slowing down. Journal so my brain has to slow down.
Its all about intention. And making the effort. And DOING IT. Because, let’s be honest. I don’t do things because I am tired. I don’t have energy because it was expended brainstorming, thinking, and investing it in things in my life that have little to no return. I’m done with complicated. Because for me, complicated means tired, confused, overwhelmed, depressed, and a whole lotta ick that I don’t like. So goodbye 2013…and hello simple, clean, and bright 2014. I think we shall be great friends. xo