This week, I was to share my story in one of my classes. It was with a small group of ten or so students and in this particular class, we simply are sharing our stories and learning to listen well. One of my favorite classes so far. I had wanted to share my story early on in the term, but the only opening available was the last slot. As the term progressed and I heard others’ stories, I became more nervous.
When it came to my time to share, I knew I would be weepy. I knew that my story was unique to me and that the Lord was in it, but that didn’t seem to make it feel much better. No one wants to share their junk. And for me, I’d much rather let everyone think I have it all together. I’d rather have them think that I am poised, smart, and cheerful all the time. The ugly underneath wants to hide. It wants to put on a mask to cover the tears and frown and pain. And today, for some reason, in the midst of my fear and anxiety, I put it all out there. I was brave like those who’d gone before me, and I shared my story.
And when I finished, tears streaming, I was welcomed with words of affirmation. Love. Reassurance. Validation. All the things my hurting soul needed. The balm in the wound. And while the hurt is still there, the Lord refreshed me. I have felt distant from the Lord since school began. Not by His doing, but in my busyness and the demand of life has just kept me tired and full. But in this moment, in my time of soul need, the Lord stepped in and loved me through my classmates.
My soul need was met. My Lord came and loved me. And while I am a messed up, anxious, emotional woman, I am loved. One of the things that my professor said after I finished was, “And how do you all feel about Erin after her sharing? Do you love her less for her attempts at perfectionism or more?” And the tears started spilling as each person in the class said, “More.” In that moment, I got a taste of the goodness of the Lord. And it was soooooo good.
Friend, remember today that the Lord fills your need. Just ask. xo