Telling the Truth

Hello friends…today is a new day. I have to repeat that to myself right now. If you read yesterday’s post, you know that I’m going through some tough stuff with my kids right now. Just regular mom stuff, but stuff that makes you want to cry by the end of the day. Now this post isn’t to pull you down with my complaints and woes…not at all!

I just need to think out something out loud.

I have been blogging for a long time. Six years this fall, I think. Its always been a way for me to share our lives and is just a great creative outlet. I love blogging, designing blogs, writing devotional posts, sharing about my family, getting comments, responding to comments…I just love the whole of what blogging is. It will be a part of my life forever…as long as my fingers can type. :)

These past few months since Elijah was born have been difficult. He is a great baby; its just that juggling two kids who are adjusting to a new life, dealing with the development of each child (did you know that life still goes on after you have more kids??? ;) ), overcoming milestones and obstacles, etc. — all this takes up a lot of my time, energy, and creativity. Lately, I have been having trouble coming up with blog topics that anyone would care about. And if I come up with an idea, I don’t have the time to write about it!

I find myself feeling I’m missing out.

Missing out on blog posts. Missing out on Tweets and happenings in social media. Missing out on connecting with blog friends I have made. I just find that time has gotten away from me. My whole life feels out of rhythm right now. I shared this with my husband last night and he laughed. “I feel the same way.” It made me smile to know that we are in this rocky boat together.

Problem is…I often don’t have a solution. Maybe be more intentional with my time? Sleep less? (Is that possible?) Get a babysitter?? (That I can’t afford right now.)

It can be so frustrating! Do you know what I mean? Do you feel like life sweeps by you every once and a while? That your rhythm is off? (…stares at screen hoping someone will relate…)

I want to be able to blog regularly. I want to be able to spend quality time with my family. I want to be able to work on and promote my blog design business. I want to participate in Twitter parties! I want to succeed in these areas! Anyone with me?

Now stop, take a step back, and hear me.

I feel like the one thing missing in all this is Jesus. If I am telling the truth…have I asked Him how to balance all this? No. Have I spent time with Him in the morning to start my day lately? No. And that’s a big problem. I feel like that is the problem. I’ve fought in selfishness with my husband. Snapped at my daughter. Gotten frustrated with my son. Gotten jealous of the online women who are so successful. Felt bad for myself when my stats are down. Blah. Blah. Blah.

And you know what resonates through this whole post?

I. Me.

Thinking selfishly about myself and my hangups (which are still valid, I believe) and not looking at why. Why am I so out of rhythm?

Because I am out of rhythm with my Creator.

I’ve tried to find my own footing on my [currently] rocky path. Sometimes the paths we’re on in life are rough. And most of the time [okay, all of the time] we don’t know how to navigate them on our own. I mean obviously right now, I am trying to walk by myself. I’m not giving any of my burden to the Lord…just trying to get down this road without falling. Or failing. Or giving up.

Sometimes the thing we need is just a deep dive into the Word. Sometimes its a long talk with a fellow believing woman. Sometimes its a good book. Or a great community. But in the center of all these things is Jesus. Oh, how I need Jesus. And I don’t ever want to be ashamed of admitting that. I need Him. I am a failure on my own. A wretched, impatient, fearful woman who desprately needs the Lord’s grace. Every. Single. Day.

So here I am, still a blogging mama wanting to open my hands with everything I have been clinging to and let the Lord handle it. A gal who desperately wants to have fun in the midst of a chaotic and draining day. A daughter who wants to connect with her Father.

I am asking today. Asking the Lord to give me strength. Wisdom. For Him to guide me in my online endeavors. Asking Him to take what is in my hands and make it His again. To help me to use my influence, talents, and desires to make much of Him. And Him only!

Will you join me?

Comments

  1. says

    Erin I totally and completely relate to what you wrote. I know in my head that a lot of my frustrations in life are magnified because I’m not putting God first in my life.
    It’s so easy to go about life and just go on cruise control and hope you do your best and that your kids are alive at the end of the day.
    I remember one day I was challenged by the thought that designing and creating websites is great but if it’s not bringing glory to God then I need to rethink why I’m doing it.
    It’s easy to allow the business end of things to control and propel you to do more but I’m asking God to show me how I can be a light to those clients He brings my way as well as the people I have met online through blogging.
    I love how God can use all we do for His glory as we ask Him for wisdom and for opportunities to share Him with others.
    I’m still trying to find the balance in all this: being a mom, homemaker,wife, entrepreneur….
    Thank you for sharing your heart! I totally relate!

    • Erin Lauray says

      Thank you, Liz! Somehow I didn’t see this comment, but I super appreciate your encouraging words. :)