The words raced through my mind like stock stats in a marquee — fast and nonsensical. I rattled off anxious prayers to the Lord about my heart’s fears and desires. Nothing was coming out right. I found myself saying, “That sounded impatient…that’s not really what I meant,” or “I sound like a bratty child.” My pleas and words were coming out faster than I could think them and weren’t communicating the deepest parts of my heart. That’s what anxiety does, it butters everything up slick so its hard to grasp and slips out fast.
In a last ditch effort, I asked the Lord to speak to me in the Holy Yoga session I was driving to. I begged him to meet me, to show me himself, and my anxious heart pleaded for peace. I rushed into my yoga class a few minutes late and when I walked in, the instructor’s words wafted to me like a sweet aroma. God doesn’t waste time.
The words coming out of her mouth as I set up my mat were, “He who began a good work in You will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” [Phil 1:6]
Doubt tapped at the door to my heart and whispered, “That’s not God. He wouldn’t speak to you this quickly. Or at all, frankly.”
But the smile on my face pushed that gremlin away. I knew. I knew.
Last week, I started Hebrews with IF:EQUIP. [You should join us.] I know the value of being in the Word consistently. To be honest, while it doesn’t make all my days glittery and sweet, it sets my heart in a posture of focus. Focused on the Lord. Focused on how I represent Him to the people around me, my friends, my husband, my kids.
And to be even more honest, reading the Word is the first thing to go when my to-do list gets long, my heart gets anxious, and I find myself busy with everything else. I may think that spending a few minutes in the Word in the morning [or in the quiet of lunchtime when the kids’ mouths are full] isn’t worth it because its not deep study…but as I take those few minutes here and there to soak my heart in scripture, its as if I am recalibrating myself.
I’m resetting my heart and in turn, I do believe God comes in and provides the peace and joy I need to take on that day. He makes me sensitive. He makes me aware.
I was in child’s pose. The instructor was speaking blessing over us, speaking verses over us that cracked my core. You are not forgotten. God hears you. Those dreams he has dropped in your heart, he remembers them.
And the message I kept hearing was he hasn’t forgotten you. He hasn’t forgotten you. He hasn’t forgotten you.
The tears began to fall. Child’s pose is so vulnerable. Its a posture of worship but also one of surrender. I even tried to regain my composure…but nope. The tears were streaming and wouldn’t stop. The instructor even came by and did some touch yoga and it burst something open in me. My mat was soaked.
I was a mess. Never have I been so thankful to be a mess.
Those fretful prayers I rapid fired to God…he still heard them. They didn’t make sense to me, and I was afraid that I wasn’t correctly communicating what I wanted to say. But God knew. And he took not only my yoga session but the rest of my day to remind me over and over and over that he hasn’t forgotten me.
Like when Tizrah Magazine posted this on Facebook:
When God gives you a vision and darkness follows, wait. God will bring the vision He has given you to reality in your life if you will wait on His timing.
– Oswald Chambers
And the words in this Hillsong song:
Friend, God hasn’t forgotten you. Don’t believe it when the enemy shouts it to you. Don’t let it in when the devil whispers it in your ear in the darkness of night. Don’t believe for one single second that you aren’t passionately and fiercely loved by the God who became dust to rescue your precious heart.
Need prayer? Please comment below [or email me], and I’d love to lift you up, sister. xo